Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

Self Esteem sings ” I do this all the time”

A modern treatise to feminism wrapped up in a ballad.
The lyrics have it all. Male Oppression, Female Oppression.
Age, Marriage, Children, Friends, Female Appearance.

A guide to living a life free of social constraints and institutions. Worth a try but not possible? But important to have an awareness of what society expects of women and men. Is modern civilization freeing or abusing?

Mass production, power, light and clean water demand conformity. But a what price? Or does the mainstream support and create the platform for the avante garde?

Is the role of man and woman improving and the relationship between them more equal? Men say yes, and women no?

“Look up, lean back, be strong
You didn’t think you’d live this long
Be as one, hold on, steady stand
For as long as you think you can

Old habits die for a couple of weeks
And then I start doing them again
This sun is making me feel like I’m missing out on something
But if I went to your barbecue
I’d feel uncomfortable and not be sure what to say anyway
It’s like when I go to your birthday
Drinks to congratulate you being the age I already thought you were
Or not, I don’t know
It’s a miracle, I’ve remembered at all
When I’m buried in the ground
I won’t be able to make your birthday drinks
But I will still feel guilty
You see, when the air warms up like this
It brings every single memory of you back
And it makes me so sick, I can’t breathe
Except I am still breathing, aren’t I?
Sometimes I think that’s the problem

Look up, lean back, be strong
You didn’t think you’d live this long
Be as one, hold on, steady stand
For as long as you think you can

Be very cafeful out there
Stop trying to have so many friends
Don’t be intimidated by all the babies they have
Don’t be embarrassed that all you’ve had is fun
Prioritise pleasure
Don’t send those long paragraph texts
Stop it, don’t
Getting married isn’t the biggest day of your life
All the days that you get to have are big
Be wary of the favours that they do for you
They’ll tell you I’m wrong, they’ll tell you (I do this all the time)
They’ll tell you I’m wrong, they’ll tell you (I do this all the time)

Look up, lean back, be strong
You didn’t think you’d live this long
Be as one, hold on, steady stand
For as long as you think you can

All you need to do, darling, is fit in that little dress of yours
If you weren’t doing this you’d be working in McDonald’s
So try and cheer up, I’m not sure
You’re moving around too much and you need to stand still
Be more like Mairead, shh
Stop showing off
You’re a good girl
You’re a good, tall girl
You’re a good, sturdy girl
One day I would love to tell you
How the best night of your life
Was the absolute worst of mine

Look up, lean back, be strong
You didn’t think you’d live this long
Be as one, hold on, steady stand
For as long as you think you can

Now and again you make complete sense
But most of the time I’m sat here feeling stupid for trying
My hunger times, my impatience equals the problem
You’re beautiful and I want the best for you
But I also hope you fail without me
It was really rather miserable trying to love you

I’ll take care, I’ll read again, I’ll sing again, I will
I’ll take care, I’ll read again, I’ll sing again, I will
We laid there in the darkness and you were asleep
And I wasn’t checking my phone for a moment and I felt—”

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

In a crisis what type of leadership does the UK Have? At one extreme there is the Downing Street leadership style where everything is good until it isn’t. Fundamentally libertarian the culture is to let people do what they like. People are sensible enough to be able to make risk assessments and adapt their behaviour accordingly. Born out of a conservative ideology that people are self motivating and autonomous.

At the other extreme is the scientific community. Expert, evidence based and cautious. Taking the bottom line, at times the frightening bottom line peddling awareness, seeing what happened before, and doing everything early.
And the rest inbetween.
After two lockdowns seen as a questionable line of defence not taken up by some countries. Too little too late? One view is the UK locked down a month too late. The science community supported an early lockdown: the libitarian did not. Does the evidence support the efficacy of mask wearing? Not collecting in large public groups? Again science versus Libertarian.

So you take your values and align to the nearest leadership style to those values. From you telling you what to do: to someone else telling you what to do.
Are you out for yourself, or concerned with others who you will never meet or know? Do you wear a mask not get sick? Do you wear a mask to stop others not getting sick?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Terence Wilson aka Astro was a founding member of the band UB40. Created in Birmingham by working class lads on the dole. UB40 was the claim form to get your money.

Born out of the turbulent times of Thatcher’s Britain in the 1970s. UB40 was a protest band with a protest attitude. Working class, with an ethnically diverse line up, they raged reggae style to the life style of mass unemployment. The era that started deregulation and global industrialisation.

Overlapping with Rock against Racism, and the Anti-Nazi League, UB40 were at the musical forefront of a divided nation seeking to redress a surge of nationalism and anti immigration.

With the theme of racism and the attention brought to how the world’s population were hell bent on destroying themselves and the planet.
UB40 appears amazingly topical.

You might think not much has changed.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

In the constant era of change there are gains and losses. Humans move in pendulum swings. The pressure of change isn’t slow or subtle. It gains and builds pressure slowly and surely. And then breaks. A tipping point.

The cry of woke is used to describe a preciousness gone too far. An over sensitivity. It’s the pendulum. It might go back to an mean/average. But it takes time.

Power is rarely given up freely. More like a pack of wolves on prey. The wolf that fights dirtiest get the biggest piece. What would it take for all the wolves to equally share the spoils? Not possible. It’s biological. The fittest surivive. Humans maybe are more like wolves.

Unable to share power: the status quo is tightly gripped onto. Nobody wants to let go of their power and influence. Particularly if they feel it’s being taken away from them through being ignored and neglected.

Public power forced an MP to resign against the government’s wishes. He was found to have broken the rules. Change the rules. But democracy won this time.

So the power is challenged, held onto, fought over.
But who has it? Does that change?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Change is painful. Resistance, Stubborness, Denial, Turning a Blind Eye.
Cricket the Gentleman’s Game seen as systemically racist, British Rowing failing at the Olympics losing a winning coach are just two of the most recent examples.

Through the cycle of a human life we are born, bred and for a brief time are current with the culture and trends of the present. Our morals and values are set in this time: so as the years pass we can become more out of touch, seeing the new present as unfamiliar and threatening.

Even if we remain the same: the backdrop us behind fuelled by time keeps moving. Values and morals change. We either acknowledge this or feel left behind. To hang onto the values of the time we grew up with is natural. But it can catch us out.

Race has caught out the white majority. Threatened by a loss of a way of life, overwhelmed by immigration. A refusal to move from exclusion to inclusion. Badly handled by the cosmopolitan democratic elite. Like the Yorkshire Cricket Board.

The relationship to authority has changed. Authoritarian demands with bullying is familiar to some but no longer tolerated. For some this is a problem. How do you motivate athletes without yelling direct commands at them? Like British Rowing.

Change seems only to happen at the point of collapse. Creating an intolerable pause, a regroup, renewal then moving forward to new success. This takes time, and is used as a reason to keep the status quo.

If you heard nasty noises coming from your car engine/battery you would stop the car. Not try to maintain the same speed by fixing it by climbing out onto the bonnet.
Change takes time. A lessening of success. It’s slow and painful.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

It is inevitable that each generation carries its own set of values from the time of its first memories laid down in childhood, & early adulthood.

You remember your era of events, politicians, sports finalists, films, music, and disasters!

You remember your school teachers, pupils in your class, college, university their families, ethnicity, & achievements. You remember your early toys, games, sports, loves, and hates.

These are seared into your brain: as new formative experiences. The first cut. The newness of life, your family relationships, the early experiences are who you are.

Your generational values hopefully get updated, improved(?) and eventually surpassed by future generations.

For example some generations have no experience of difference in the class room. Even with the most enlightened of that generation, this lack of experience means difference will always be something new. Later generations experience different ethnicities, colours, sexuality & religions. So these differences become natural to the later generations.

Some generations had maths with a slide rule or calculator. Later ones with a pc, and so on …..

This is why the generations must die off along with their outdated value? It seems in our post industrial age the older generations are not valued. Seen as unproductive & redundant. Under threat older generations hang onto their early values, which ironically hastens their demise.

In some cultures older generations are more valued. This allows them to exist more happily and securely? Seen as holding values that are the platform for newer generations. Depending on the kind of older person, and how they embrace the newer values of the modern generations!

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

World in a Rush. And it keeps speeding up. For what?
Technology is a big driver. The world on a click. Instant gratification. No wait. Speed is everything. As long as the news is first, its truthfulness second.

The rush inhabits every part of our lives. We tell ourselves that we are rushing to gain time. We need more time. We have so little of it. The more we rush- the less time we have – so the more we have to rush.

Parents rushing around trying to give their children the best life possible. More and more. No rest. No down time.
We have no time to think how we might be spending our time. Time is related to output. If time isn’t profitably spent then we have to fill so that it is. Our time cannot always be outcome based so we have less time. And so it goes.
In the Counselling/Therapy professions the same. IAPT employs 1000s of clinical psychologists in their 20s career ambitious rushing to gain well paid jobs. With no requirement for their own therapy.

This has spread to the Counselling/Therapy world itself. Minimum requirements for therapy just met. Least amount of practice in voluntary placements. Money spent on training and therapy as something that has to be paid back by earnings.

Again. Are we rushing to something or away from something? Counselling/Therapy is a craft where self awareness is everything. To stay out of the distressed person’s pain – to understand their pain not from our position but theirs.

If the rush of time rushes the slow and painful journey to self awareness – where will we all be?

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

The world seems a difficult place at the moment.
War, Afghanistan, Extreme Weather, Post Pandemic, & the Economy.
More so. Issues coming home to roost. Climate Change, Politics Funding of Social Care, Pandemic, Economy.
The platform of our lives shifting.

To feel frightened and overwhelmed today in reaction to the world would be normal. If the world feels under threat it would be sensible to think its inhabitants would feel under threat too.

Under this present reality feelings of fear, insecurity, anger, vulnerability, overwhelm would be normal. To want to run, hide, scream might be justifiable reaction to the present and the feelings it evokes.

But these are difficult feelings which our psyche is determined to protect us from. So when we feel fear, helpless, hopeless we divert. That emotional muscle is unused, weak. So when we ask the muscle to lift the feeling weight the muscle struggles.

There are lots of distractions. Busyness Drugs Alcohol Sex Money Exercise. Keep moving to avoid distract.

So what to do? How do we develop that weak unused muscle? To slow down, to treat yourself as a separate being and get to know that person. What sort of person are they? How did they get here? What happened to them before to where they are today?

When we feel fear for examle – to slow down and turn towards the feeling. At first even for a 10 seconds, 30 seconds, a minute. Feel the pain, panic, fear, overwhelm. Like any skill it takes dedication, time, and practice. But slowly we get used to feeling difficult feelings, so that they overwhelm us less.

Our emotional compass is one of the psyche’s talents to guide us through our lives. A tool to tell us where we are going, and how it is benefitting us. Or not.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Althea Gibson was the first black tennis player to win Wimbledon in 1957.
Also the first black woman to play on a pro Golf Tour.

Multi talented, powerful with a natural athletic stature she broke race barriers for the first time in majority white sports. Her family were poor and she had to miss school. But she loved sports. She managed with few resources to reach the height of a sport. This route unimaginable today. Towards the end of her career she suffered from poor finances and failing health.

She never considered herself a crusader. Never wanted to be political.

Never heard of her? Again another demonstration as if we needed one of what a culture can see, and cannot see. We are taught to survive by making choices that keep us with the similar and familiar. Anything outside these norms is considered unworthy and alien. It’s how humans survive.

A modern dilemma is how do we increase our capacity to tolerate difference, at the same time acknowledging that we are not built that way.

Copyright Adrian Scott
North London Counsellor Blog 2021
All Rights Reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique