Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

Petrol and Trust in Haringey
This week I have noticed the petrol delivery drivers’ strike: or threat of a strike.
Petrol is the life blood of the nation. Whenever there is a threat of no petrol, panic buying starts. Pictures of queues of cars at petrol stations are beamed over the nation through TV networks, so that we panic and panic buy petrol.
Are we are afraid that we will not be able to drive our cars? For some this means earning a living by driving, and for others commuting to work. But for the rest of us – the supermarket run? Taking children to school? Visiting friends or relatives? Or perhaps not wanting to be told ‘no’ at the petrol station?

The world has returned to being a small world, stretched out over the globe, through technology and media. The world was made up of the tribes and villages: there was a collective response to events. When the events could not be explained and to control the panic of not knowing – superstition was used to explain what could not be explained. This contained the feeling of panic by giving up some kind of agreed explanation however implausible.

Now we respond collectively with the information sent to us through the media. We do not understand and have no control over the situation (i.e. a lack of petrol) so we panic buy. Through the emphasis of the individual and the market economy in the West superstition no longer works. We are cautious of being manipulated so others more powerful gain. The sanction of superstition no longer contains the panic.

The result is that we do not trust what we are told. This is held up to be bad and wrong, but perhaps more preferable than being manipulated by superstition created by others more powerful. (Could spin be substituted for superstition?)
We do not trust that the media or petroleum companies have our interest at heart. Their priority is to sell TV time and petrol.
This would appear to be an informed view, and the start (not the end) of a debate about the relationship between trust and power and how it is manipulated and marketed in the media in a modern (?) western democracy.
Petrol and Trust in Haringey

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2012
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog content are the views of the writer and for general information only. This article is designed to provoke argument and critique.

Giving Feedback or Not!
This week I have noticed ‘giving feedback’
The world of work demands the giving and receiving feedback. Line managers appraise their staff, and then as part of the appraisal, managers ask staff for feedback on their own management style.

But how much feedback is really given in the work place? Would people rather complain and do nothing? Exit interviews are an opportunity for employees to give feedback. The employees’ references have been sent,and a confirmation of a start date for their new job has been received.
This is the ideal place where even the most timid staff member can give feedback to another senior manager about their experience at work without any recourse.
But is it?
Giving Feedback or Not!

This reluctance to not give feedback can come from families. Family cultures can be set up by parents to ensure that children do not speak.
Successful, highly intelligent adults are educated and trained not to speak directly to their parents: even when the parents’ behaviour is unacceptable or has a negative impact.
This can be motivated by an insecurity in parents on their parenting skills, not handling traumatic family events well, or simply not wanting to be challenged.
The family culture becomes based over years of at best educating and training or at worst manipulating and brainwashing their children.
The culture is based on the parents’ views of events, where they feel safe, and unchallenged. A culture based on the childrens’ feelings and experiences is threatening and not controllable.
Other views which might be challenging or critical to the parent are not allowed.
The most powerful trait of family culture is its invisibility. It is so familiar to the children that it is hard to identify. A family culture where children are not allowed to speak,
carries on into the relationships that children make as adults. It is becomes normal.

Breaking the pattern of not speaking can be an uncomfortable, but rewarding experience.
Giving Feedback or Not!

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2012
All rights reserved.
Disclaimer: This weblog content are the views of the writer, and for general information only.

The Hittites and the City of Hattusha
This week I have noticed the Hittites and their capital city of Hattusha. Over 3,000 years ago a mysterious and ruthless civilization rose from nothing, created a brutal and unstoppable army and built an empire that rivalled Egypt and Babylon. But, just as it was at the height of its powers, the great empire suddenly vanished from history.

The city was built in inaccessible mountainous region far away from trade routes, the sea, or fresh water. The city was built to withstand any external force that might threaten it. Huge ramparts were built with regular towers filled with the equivalent of re-enforced concrete. Water was engineered into the city through complex irrigation systems, and a network of tunnels was built to allow free passage of people and supplies into the city. The culture was based on strict laws ruling behaviours and dominating the lifestyles of the inhabitants. In short a brutal controlling regime which rigidly educated its people to uphold the nation state and its empire.

Ironically the end of the Hittites was a civil war: the enemy within. The city of Hattusha could withstand any external force, yet it was defenseless against the people choosing sides, and fighting one another. In the end the city could not be sustained: so they gathered up their wealth setting fire to the significant buildings behind them, and disappeared.

Perhaps people are like this. If we exert a rigid self- control over ourselves we in the end encourage our own civil war. The person who we want to be and present to the world is perhaps not the person we are. What do we do with this discrepancy? At first we try and control ourselves. There are many ways of doing this. Exerting a rigid code of conduct on our behaviour, is one way. Covering up our ‘bad’ behaviour with sex, drugs, and alcohol is another. Self-control is widely approved of in the 21^st century to be the key to a work ethic, to earn money, to live life to the full, to travel to far off places before we die, to avoid ourselves, to look the other way.

Distraction is the key: as long as we are distracted we can kid ourselves that we are behaving in the way that we want to, and find acceptable.
The problem is that this costs lots of energy. We become fatigued, depressed, lose interest in once what fascinated us. With luck we enter a crisis. The luck is that we can no longer carry on how we wish we were, but give into accept and embrace ourselves.

This process is slow and painful, and sometimes cannot be achieved in one go. Some philosophies would argue this is the work of a life. Knowing and being at ease with ourselves is the key to a healthy, balanced life.
The Hittites and the City of Hattusha

Counselling and Endings
Counselling pays a lot of attention and puts emphasis on endings. Why?
Endings are linked to beginnings. We go through beginnings and endings in small ways all the time. You might have a work contractor come into your office to fix the photocopier: or a person coming to repair an appliance in your home. This is a short business type relationship, but one with a beginning and ending.
One view might be that small beginnings can be treated differently to big endings like coming to the end of a job, relationship, or death of a relative or friend. The short relationship which ends does not need much attention as we are not investing much time or energy into that relationship. It can be discarded easily as we will not see the person again. Bigger endings might involve the issue of change which is implicit in endings: as with every ending there is a new beginning which is not the same, or how would it have ended? Change is recognised as being painful, but necessary for renewal and improvement. Negotiating a different relationship with parents or friends can be a challenge as there is the experience of something ending and being replaced with something different and new. One thing that appears to be universal about endings (and beginnings? – for another week!) is that they produce some sort of difficulty? This can be noticed by the consistent reaction of not paying endings any attention.One reaction might be to ignore endings: pretend that we will not never see the person who fixs the appliance again but in fact talk and act in a way that we will see them again soon. Phrases like “see you later” are commonplace. One explanation is that if we were to take into account every small ending we would be left with a collection of difficult feelings however small which we do not want to deal with. So perhaps small endings and bigger endings are linked? How we react to a small endings shows how we might deal with the bigger endings. Counselling suppports the idea that small endings count and might show how we respond to bigger endings. Counselling pays attention to all endings small and big. If the small endings’ feelings are understood we might have more opportunity to understand the bigger endings managing the feelings that can follow turning our lives upside down.
Counselling and Endings

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2012
All rights reserved.
Disclaimer: This weblog content are the views of the writer, and for general information only.