Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

9. Meditation v Counselling

Posted on March 7, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

Meditation v Counselling – into the Deep
Meditation versus Counselling?

Both appear to do similar things but to define them is difficult. Meditation involves a sound or chant while including thoughts (open meditation) or excluding thoughts
(closed meditation). Counselling is defined as a talking cure to allow the person to speak freely about themselves to someone who can reflect without judgement on what is said. There are many approaches.

Mediation can help in relaxing and dealing with stress. It allows the mind to form a cushion between the person and outside world. Counselling can be used in the same way. The counsellor will support the person to feel more confident in their life.

But both meditation and counselling can be used to go deeper and create a relationship to the darker, or hidden (unconscious) side of the mind. This is where all the hurts, insecurities and pain are. Meditating for longer periods of time, or seeing a counsellor focused on integrating you with the hidden side of yourself can bring you up against the parts of yourself which you do not like and have repressed with defences.

What happens generally is that the person comes up against their defenses.
Deeper meditation on retreat and with guidance approaches the defenses in a gentle way at the pace of the meditator. It could be said that the meditator is at an advantage as there is no need for a counsellor, or a relationship with the counsellor. Most importantly is that there is no need to verbally conceptualise what is coming up for the client. It just arrives and the meditator learns to be with it.
Counselling has the advantage of the counsellor showing you the defences and where you might be with them, even though you want them to remain hidden.

Herein lies one explanation that up and down the country there are people meditating and counselling to avoid their defences. The mediator is so well defended nothing traumatic comes up for them. The counselling client in collusion with the counsellor does not approach the defences for fear of pain and upset on both sides.
You get what you pay for! Which one do you want!

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2013
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

8. Men want more Sex

Posted on March 1, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

Men want more Sex

According to Relate the Counselling Relationship Charity the best way to get men to come to couples counselling is that one of the outcomes will be more sex. Relate counsellors were interviewed and asked about their work. Men do not recognise when the relationship is in crisis. Men want to resort to check lists and action plans to fix the relationship out. For men the reward is better communication will mean more sex.
Men and sex again.
Women want to talk and learn what the underlying problem. How the relationship is going wrong?
Problem solving versus talking about feelings.
So what is it about men? Is it their brains? The relationship with their mothers? Fear of intimacy?
The stereotype continues. Men do not know how to look after themselves. Men do not visit their GPs. Men do not have adequate social relationships to cope when things go wrong.

Who are these men? Are these men at Relate attending couples counselling under pressure. From partners who have had enough?
There must be many men and women who this does not apply to. What about women who resort to action plans and check lists?
Are there lots of men up and down the country who do not visit Relate, because they are adept and skilled in having relationships? Men who can talk about feelings. Men who invest in their relationships. Men who do not need the help from Relate.

All Charities need funding. All Charities need a reason to exist. Relate is a National Charity with well trained practitioners who are skilled in helping couples through emotional difficulties. But again there is no context. It is like saying all those people who attend hospitals are ill. Yes they are. But it does not address the people who are good at maintaining their health. The people lucky enough not to have to use hospital services.
There are many men who fit this stereotype. Stereotyping makes headlines.
Is it too difficult to recognise the changes between men and women because the position of women has not improved?

After years of clarity and suffrage of women the role of men is unclear. It is a pity that all the work done by men goes unrecognised. Men are under attack. Caveman or Househusband? There are still many examples of inequality between men and women. Politics – sex claims surrounding Lord Rennard. Sport – Oscar Pistorius, women in the world of work, domestic abuse across the world.
But then more men are looking after their children. More men are trying to have different relationships with their partners than their fathers did with their mothers.
These men who are going to Relate should meet more men who don’t need to go to Relate.

7. Psychopaths at Large! 2

Posted on February 22, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

The Psychopath Test written by Jon Ronson (author of The Men Who Stare at Goats)
explains how psychopaths can be identified by a series of questions called the
Hare Psychopath Test.
It claims that there are under 1% of the population (under 700,000 in a population of 70 million) are psychopaths who have not murdered or killed anyone.
They are extremely devious and manipulative. They are trying to fool the rest of us(?) that they are just like us. They like to live in big cities to be amongst the buzz: to satisfy a constant boredom and need to be stimulated.
In the Psychopath test it is not so much the questions that are asked. But the way the genuine psychopath answers them. Psychopaths are curious that everyday people are upset or frightened when presented with say graphic images of mutilated corpses. Psychopaths find this strange. They realise that they have to fit in. They somehow have to copy this empathy and humanity to fool the rest of us that they are the same as us. The test fleshes out this insincerity of reacting to this pain and suffering of others. The genuine psychopath does not recognise others’ pain and blames the person for putting themselves in that position.
The psychopath is mercilessly driven individual who craves success at any cost. Other peoples’ feelings do not count. The example used was of the US Sunbeam company which had a series of CEOs who shut factories down decimating communities. But every time a factory was closed the stock went up. The author interviews Al Dunlap one of these CEOs. He calmly answers the questions in the Psychopath test showing he is a psychopath while making a rational argument for all his answers. The picture is of an evil man.
Dr Kiehl a neuroscientist at the University of New Mexico tends “ to see psychopaths as someone suffering from a disorder, so I wouldn’t use the word evil to describe them.”
Whether they are made or evil they seem charming and plausible while leaving destruction and chaos around them. As I have written before the psychopath operates in areas where the risks are high and the rewards are great. They do this by genuinely not being able to recognise that there are any risks.
This is a similar scenario that created the 2008 credit crisis which the world economy is still recovering from. This creates an alarming thought: that there are psychopaths taking enormous risks on behalf of others.
They reap the rewards and others pick up the pieces.

Posted in Adrian Scott Counsellor, North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged Adrian Scott Counsellor, North London Counsellor Blog, www.counsellingme.co.uk | Comments Off

6. Pistorius – A Man and A Woman

Posted on February 15, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

Pistorius denies girlfriend’s murder.
Is this about a man or a woman? Or the beginning of a tragic story of a fallen hero? Who becomes heroic against the odds? Nobody knows what really happened that night. Perhaps we never will. What will Mr. Pistorious be remembered for?
What is clear is that there had been previous incidents between the couple at their residence.
Sympathy must be with the family and friends of Reeva Steenkamp. Whatever happened.
Along with the soul searching that India is going through. Looking at its attitude towards women through a series of horrific rapes. The issue of domestic abuse is high in the worlds’ awareness. Mr. Pistorius has highlighted this issue.

There are female perpetrators of domestic violence. But most perpetrators are men. The attitude of men towards women is influenced by many things. Family. Race. Culture. Peer group.
The subjugation of women by men has been happening for centuries. Only in the 19^th Century did feminism begin in the UK with the Suffragettes who were trying to win the right to vote. Feminist thinking developed in the 1970s attempting to theorise the oppression of women. It is the idea of patriarchy that men lead the world for men. Men do not allow women into that world. This motivated the Feminist movement.
But it is not just the subjugation of women. Humans seem to want to subjugate someone. Equality is an idea which has to be enforced with legislation. Are we still animals? The strongest dominate the weakest? Hierarchies are needed to keep groups of humans out of trouble?
Today an enormous amount of energy is used to fight subjugation and inequality. But who wins?
In the information age the victim has more opportunities to find help or report the behaviour to the authorities. Today there is more chance that the perpetrator will be forced to attend a domestic violence programme.

For Mr Pistorius it looks like the end of a life as he knew it: and too late for programmes for Reeva Steenkamp.

Posted in Uncategorized | Comments Off

5. Where’s the Beef?

Posted on February 8, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

North London Counsellor Blog

Where’s the Beef?
Apparently there isn’t any. It’s horse meat! What’s the issue? Each country has its own complicated meat preference influenced by its culture, history, availability and sometimes necessity. Where’s the Beef? For the French it is snails, in some Swiss rural communities they eat cat. In Taiwan dog meat, and many countries eat horse meat. In Europe they still eat horse as a low fat high protein alternative to beef. So what’s the problem?

Horses have a higher status in the UK. The betting industry is based on horse racing, the Royals have a tradition of equestrian pursuit, and little girls crave a pony, or horse to ride. The English have always had a bizarre relationship to pets. Some would say preferring them to people. Animals don’t answer back, are affectionate and remain loyal for life. Something we would like to have with humans, but get bogged down in history and agendas. The NHS in Scotland has produced information on Animal Therapy in Health Settings. PARS – Animals as Therapy booklet – Aug 07(1). While dogs are being used to help mental health sufferers improve their quality of life.

With the increased alienation from other people, pets are recognised as good companions who can relieve stress and help people cope with their lives. For children looking after pets they learn a sense of responsibility, and care towards animals and people. From this perspective eating pets seems inhuman.

“Where’s the Beef?” was also used in the 1984 US Democratic Debate by Walter Mondale. The phrase was taken from a fast food chain advert. It described his opponents’ empty policies. No substance. He went on to clinch the nomination. Replacing the word beef with horse just wouldn’t have done it! Where’s the Horse?
Where’s the Beef?

Posted in Adrian Scott Counsellor, North London Counsellor Blog | Comments Off

4. Syria, Maslow, and Pyramids

Posted on February 1, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

Syria. What is going on in Syria? President Assad’s power base is in the Alawite religious community. Syria has a population of 21 million his powerbase is represented by 16% of the population. The Sunni Muslim Freedom Fighters movement is 74% of the population.

The richest 10% of adults account for 85% of the world’s wealth. The bottom half of the world adult population owning 1% of global wealth. In the UK the top 10% own 50% of the wealth. These figures are arguable but all point to a pyramid structure. Narrow at the top and wider at the bottom.
Much is made of this in terms of democracy and freedom being able to counter this unfairness. These figures bear this out. The more democratic the country the fairer the disparity between rich and poor and those who have power and those who do not.

The pyramid structure also applies to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs.

At the top of the pyramid is morality, creativity, spontaneity, & lack of prejudice. Most would agree a basis for a civilised community. At the bottom of the pyramid are the basic body functions. The necessary shelter, food and water. In the mental health profession it is widely recognised that people can only think about how they live, until they have the provisions for living. Without these basics thinking about how you want to live is meaningless. Too much time and energy is spent on survival.
In the 21^st Century more of us have taken care of the basics than ever before so more of us can think about how to live. But his can be deceptive. On a global scale and to varying degrees in countries depending on the region, this is not true. Many people are struggling to make a subsistence living at the bottom of the pyramid.
Perhaps this is how humans are: hierarchical. There always has to be a pyramid structure. To not be equal is the norm and natural. To apply equality and fairness to humans is what is says: an application – a theory, a hope or a wish. Even in the 21^st Century Democracy, and fairness is a sticking plaster trying to cover up the natural bias of humans illustrated by the financial crash ion 2008. To live in a pyramid of winners and losers.
Meanwhile the bloodshed in Syria goes on.

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged Maslow, Pyramids, Syria | Comments Off

3. Wilko Johnson Cancer EU

Posted on January 25, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

NorthLondonCounsellorBlog

Wilko Johnson Dr Feelgood guitarist announces his farewell tour. It really is a goodbye tour. He has 10 months to live after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. He describes a life of hyper awareness. Tiny details of life appearing wonderful. The knowledge of a date when your life is going to end must bring an intensity and ecstasy that a long life ahead cannot. The John Cougar’s lyric “..life goes on, long after the thrill of living is gone” must appear a luxury with a limited amount of life to live.

Wilko Johnson described the way he leads his life as “I am a feather for each wind that blows” A modern metaphor taken by business would ‘be riding the wave’. There is real skill in knowing your strengths and weaknesses. To be able to go with the opportunities that your life offers. This takes a humility and flexibility that Wilko demonstrated. Throughout the interview there is an air of acceptance. Wilko feels lucky and talks about a talent of being able to be out of control of your life. Then to wait to take control when you can. Then maximise the opportunities that present, before letting go again.

He continued with the statement: “Anybody who asks for anymore would just be being greedy”. This bucks the trend of commercialism where we are encouraged to consume more. The fictional character of Gordon Gekko’s and his phrase “Greed is Good” appears trite and meaningless against the majesty of Wilko Johnson and his attitude to life.

The major political event of the week was David Cameron’s speech to the European Union to reclaim sovereignty and power back to the UK. It is difficult to tell whether this is about his own personal ideologue, or a practical attempt to reign in the lack of democracy in the EU. To gain perspective and to test his own political views he could have a conversation with Wilko Johnson, on what is ultimately important. The way you lead your life, or the way you impose your leadership on others.

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged Wilko Johnson Farewell Tour | Comments Off

2. Psychopaths at Large!

Posted on January 18, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

NorthLondonCounsellorBlog

Psychopaths at Large! They live among us.
An article in the Evening Standard states “The majority of psychopaths are not in prison but living among us.” We are all led to believe by the media to think that psychopaths are all killers, In fact maybe living their lives in your workplace, college, or family!
The main characteristic of a psychopath appears to that they are cut off from feelings, so they can do things to people that have no consequence for them. However stressful or negative for other people on the receiving end of their actions. The article goes on to say that for brain surgeons, bomb disposal experts and city traders this is a useful talent, and a necessary tool for survival.
Its good to be a psychopath!
It is easy to understand that to be able to focus on a task, ignoring other distractions will help to complete the task in a focused and efficient manner. The point is that as long as we can return to humanity, and take into account the affect our actions have on others, this skill is a real talent. This is something the psychopath cannot do. The absence of feeling for others is not a temporary state: it is permanent.
You will not be surprised to learn that not many psychopaths present themselves for counselling and psychotherapy. To be attached to their own feelings is not on the psychopaths’ wish list. Efficiency of task and how they can benefit are the only aims.

Most of the research and treatment with psychopaths is done in institutions. The psychopath has been incarcerated for criminal acts and has lots of time to respond to the researchers’ questions. The difficulty is to begin research on psychopaths at large in society. Who would volunteer?
Do you know a psychopath?
Perhaps more people have psychopathic tendencies than we imagine. Does your friend, partner, or spouse do something which seems so out of character? Do they do it without thought for the repercussions on you or on anyone else? Does this happen regularly or around particular situations or topics? Does this mean that they are a psychopath? perhaps not. But it might be a situation where the person feels they are under threat and they go into survival mode.
Are psychopaths rewarded?
Are psychopaths working in society rewarded in a capitalist system? It would seem that how success is achieved in the 21^st Century would be compatible with the psychopaths’ skills. Focus, discipline, ruthlessness, and an uncaring attitude can define the successful person. Perhaps the most encouraging sign is that psychopaths are consistently and continually being caught – unfortunately only after the deed is done.

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged Psychopaths | Leave a comment

1.Babies who cry ‘self-soothe’

Posted on January 11, 2013 by North London Counsellor Blog

Dubious claims crying babies self-soothe

NorthLondonCounsellorBlog

Welcome to 2013.
Babies who cry self-soothe! The dubious claims from research “proving” that crying babies will self-soothe when left to cry might not be accurate, or perhaps just the media looking for a sound bite that will make a headline. Apparently it was taken from a press release.

Several themes stand out here – the role of the press, and the quality of research and how it is interpreted. The press wants to sell news so has to make it as eye catching as it can. It is a business which is necessary in keeping bad behaviour in check, but takes liberties with the truth to sell news.

Research is a tricky subject. It is deemed to have a kind of truth because it has to quote and reference itself to other pieces of research. Research has to fill a space that is not occupied by another piece of research but has to relate to other research!? It has to define itself as qualitative, quantitative, or observational. This research was an observational study of sleeping patterns of babies.

Research has a way of being used to back up an already held point of view. Like people when we have a point of view which has been constructed over the years, and we bend the research or evidence to uphold this point of view. Even if there is a lot of evidence to disprove the point of view, if the point of view suits us or is key to our view of the world it is maintained against the evidence.

To be able to have flexible relationships to what we believe in is a challenge. To be able to think relationally is helpful. In other words what a person might say to you might be in relation to them not you. For example if someone says you are angry and they do not like it: this might be to do with the speaker’s issues about anger: not you. An appreciation of whatever is said to you, and what is said by you is about them and you. Not the other way around!

To apply this to the above article: what are the newspapers saying in choosing this topic as a headline? Is it shocking? Does it catch the eye? Is it news worthy? Perhaps because it is emotive: it’s about babies.
Strangely if animals or people were left to cry this might be perceived as cruel? But for babies this is ok?

Perhaps it is back to an Anglo-Saxon mentality? Let babies fend for themselves! They will have to fend themselves in the capitalist model? Let them get some early practice in!

Posted in North London Counsellor Blog | Tagged babies, self-soothe | Leave a comment

43. That’s Entertainment – Prank on the Royals

Posted on December 14, 2012 by North London Counsellor Blog

Paul Weller wrote the song That’s Entertainment describing how not everybody’s idea of entertainment is the same. In the past week this has an added poignancy with the death of the ‘Kate Nurse’
who killed herself after passing medical information to two Australian DJs pretending to be members of the Royal Family. They were enquiring on the Duchess of Cambridge’s health as she struggles with her new pregnancy. This touches many subjects: the fragility of humans under extreme duress, the press attention on the Royals fed by public interest, and having a laugh.

So whose fault was it that somebody died for playing a prank? In the modern age technology has reduced the size of the world into a small mobile screen. Before a prank could only be played in small groups, the village, or town. But now the victim of the prank can be a global victim: with a global humiliation witnessed by millions. Perhaps it was this that was so unbearable. The media is normalised by celebrities with thick skins, and money who are skilled manipulators of the media for their own ends. When it happens to a member of the public, the skills of everyday life are not able to cope with global humiliation.

Trying to attack authority and pomposity has always been part of ‘British Humour’: to be aggressive to those in charge but only passively. The Australians still have the Queen of England as the Head of state, harking but to an older time of commonwealth and empire. To play a prank on the symbols of that dead age still playing itself out in the present, must be an attractive proposition.

The husband of the young royal couple has already witnessed his own tragedy by media with the death of his mother in Paris chased by the paparazzi. He was again presented with the horrifying and unwieldy naked power of the information age; and how badly things can go wrong without any malicious intent. His wife has to contend with the memory of the birth of her first born with the death of a nurse dedicated to looking after her.

The investment we all have in technology, media, and wanting to be distracted from the hum drum of normal life can have a high cost. Perhaps it is the stress and tedium of modern life that has to create big distractions.
That’s entertainment.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2012
All rights reserved
Disclaimer: This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

9. Meditation v Counselling

8. Men want more Sex

7. Psychopaths at Large! 2

6. Pistorius – A Man and A Woman

5. Where’s the Beef?

4. Syria, Maslow, and Pyramids

3. Wilko Johnson Cancer EU

2. Psychopaths at Large!

1.Babies who cry ‘self-soothe’

43. That’s Entertainment – Prank on the Royals

Blog 2012-23

Blog

Admin