Adrian Scott Counsellor Supervisor MBACP Accred

In the first session Amal asked me what can I do for him: “I need some tools to keep my energy up. I want to keep my focus like I used to be able to when I was younger” I asked him how we might do this?
He said i would know.

Amal is addicted to Super Amal: the version of himself which is optimised, & idealised. Amal is running to Super Amal. The word addiction is usually applied to drugs & alcohol. But demonstrates in a broader meaning to an addiction to avoiding or numbing the self.

In the rational world Amal is running on the fuel of ambition to his best most efficient self. In the psyche world running from his own Self. We are addicted to behaviours that keep us away from ourselves. These can include extreme versions of sport, working, studying, dating, eating, sleeping and ………

The addiction is the solution to avoidance of the self
At times therapy is a reframing of the view of ourselves. If we can switch to thinking about the behaviours that we don’t want as a window into how we work. Those behaviours are our life. Giving them ligitimacy – dissipates the hot energy that fuels the numbing avoidance of the Self

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2026
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique
Details changed for confidentiality

“I have never spoken to the guy: he means nothing to me. But whenever I see him I just want to stare at him: I don’t want to speak to him: I don’t want to know him. It’s so weird” Rosa cried.

An easy explanation to this is to think there is something romantic going on which is being denied or repressed. In the sexualised culture of 2026 this is a must do short cut which is over simplistic and helps us to avoid the complexity and erotic nature of humans. Our first erotic experiences are with our parents around 3-5 yrs old. This is the basis of our romantic lives which we return to – to repeat.

The erotic has a quality of attraction/familairity that is arguably more powerful than the sexual because it validates our personal past which we are largely unaware of. Think of an internal 3D psychic relief map. Of valleys and hills, villages, churches, castles, roads, pathways. Then like Freud’s iceberg underneath is a history mass of the self buried deep in the archeology of the relief map. We look at the world trying to match this relief map.

At the time of seeing this guy Rosa’s father died. She learnt that whenever she sees him the guy holds something of the event of her Father’s death. The taboo of the parental link denies a surface sexual link. But a deeper symbolic connection to an earthquake psychic event of the death of her Father.

We were both tempted to explain it. Was he like her Father? Did he remind her of her Father?
Should she try to make a connection to him? Would she marry him?
To explore the archeology of our inner relief map – let the attention wander and rest. More knowing explanation denies a deeper sensibility of who we are – out of our own sight.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2026
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique
Details changed for confidentiality

It is easy to think that the world in 2026 isn’t good. A breaking down of an old order. Democracy. War. Populism. Looking at 2026 is like watching a world breaking down.

Since the end of the two World Wars when survival overtook living. The West was so vulnerable and feared another war that agreements & institutions were set up to create stability & peace. If you were born into this time you naturally thought that this was the norm.
But in fact it is a blip.

History tells us that mostly ordinary people were ruled over by Dictators and Despots. Life was dangerous and unfair. The population was powerless and enslaved to create profit for the few. Over the centuries this was the norm. So from the elevated view from the blip we are losing: yet this has always been the way.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2026
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique
Details changed for confidentiality

Celine started the session
“I was very irritated yesterday at work. I spent a lot of time on a piece of work which my boss wanted really quickly. It needed a lot of work on the database which doesn’t work very well. It is unreliable and clunky. It’s very old and has too much information on it and it really ought to be replaced. I don’t understand why they don’t replace it. If it was a question of money – they would save a lot more time and money if they invested in a new database. I worked two evenings and over the weekend and when I sent it to him, he said that it really wasn’t needed anymore and that they’ve moved on from that position – though it would be useful perhaps for a platform for other work. I spoke to my colleague and we had a real good rant about him and about how awful he was – that he didn’t really know what to he was doing and kept giving me pieces of work which I spent a lot of time on which he wanted really quickly and then he was surprised when he gave her back the work because it wasn’t what he wanted and the strategy had moved on.”

Me “As we have mentioned before this appears to be an intellectual narrative reporting of a feeling. If I said don’t use your intellect how would it be?”
She look panicked “I’m at a loss to know what to say”
Commentary – In that moment Celine had dropped into her body to her fear and panic
I replied ” I feel your feelings of panic in my body from your body”
“Yes…” she replied ” he really is so incompetent and not much of a boss”
Commentary – Celine rushed back to the intellectual narrative frightened by her body response of fear and panic
“So you’ve just demonstrated our struggle together to drop into the body feeling, to notice the power of the automatic response to rush back to the safety of the intellectual”
“Yes I understand that and can see how I do it”  …………

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

We are coming into the festival of meet ups, parties, get togethers, filling people with joy and dread. Is it going to be boring or interesting? Perhaps a better question might be am I going to be boring or interesting?

The idea here would be around openess. Your conversation is predicated by the other’s openess and experience of the self. If we or the other are closed, the conversation can be boring, lacking depth.
If both are open there is a potential for connection and depth.

The same in therapy. The client at first presents a closed black and white version of themselves. Having a free space with them as the focus, sparks fear and threat. They tighten to close. Slowly they learn to release adding colour to their lives putting feelings (the body) to their presentation (the intellect)

It’s a long hard journey as openess and colour are resisted by protection mechanisms aiming to shut down and keep the psyche safe. Creating a colourful version of ourselves is painful, but allows us a more three dimensional life of feeling & depth.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
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This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Usually we thnk of a lifespan in a linear way – a straight line birth to death.
But another way of looking at it – is that it’s circular.   

The first half of a life – childhood, then teens, 20s 30s upto the 40s are setting up of a life: the second half of a life is trying to work out what the setup was.
So 0-40yrs then back down 39yrs 38yrs 37yrs …… 3yrs 2yrs 1yr to death.

The individuation stage in the 20s appears to be more prolonged in 2025. Previous generations were forced out of the home due to top down parenting where kids were not close to their parents. Along with the expectation that an individual life could be made easier with access to stable work and cheaper housing.

Add to this that there is a period of energy between 20-45yrs where we can hold off our real selves for the purpose of socialisation – to then return to our true selves formed in childhood. Less energy, less defenses – more our true selves pokes out!

This might explain why older people focus on nostalgia. The revisiting of a life: resisting change and wanting the world to remain the same. Picked up by populists for their own ends.

The notion of the self is useful for the art of theorising – but could be argued that the/a self doesn’t exist. We are beings going through experiences of the day. It is all old and new. Ultimately death is a new experience: so the concept of a self is in constant flux – with recognisable bits – but in a state of ongoing adaption.

We are humans in thrall to our early origins. We live them out, and then repeat them.
We start in a cradle and if lucky end in a cradle. Examined or Unexamined.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Van Gogh a famous replacement child acted out is life through replacement rather than art. His painting was a medium he used to struggle to find an identity that was him not another.

Not only was he a replacement child he was named after the dead child who he replaced. He spent a life looking for a mother to look after him as he was never mothered as himself. Imagine when you are looked at by another – they do not look into your eyes – but slightly off to the side – as the mother’s gaze is still fixed on the dead child he was replacing.

The impact for the replacement child is devestating. Even pre-birth in the womb they absorb the mother’s distress of the death of her child. And the fear that the replacement child might not survive like the previous child.

Andre Green called the grief the mother suffered as ‘white grief‘ where the inner loss turns the relationship to the new baby as physically present but emotionally absent. Creating a lifelong craving for a mother figure that was never there. Depending on your point of view – this is a treatable trauma or a permanent characteristic.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique

Lots of ways to reflect on this post as a metaphor 
The wound marks that you come back from the front are visible to witness. The area where the wounds cannot be seen means a fatal injury & no return from the front. We plaster over the visible wounds, while the really open wounds are left unprotected.

The conscious wounds that we can see and feel we try to ignore but acknowledge as traits, weaknesses or vulnerabilities. The unseen unconscious wounds are the ones that have most impact because they are unknown so allowed to gather force.

One example of this is to keep busy. Life is orientated around busyness. We consume, exercise, buy, to create a diversion to our invisible wounds. Ambition, development, drive, progress, growth are essential measures in a digital market economy.
But now we are in the post digital economy: lets see how far more effective this is in soothing our wounds.

Copyright Adrian Scott North London Counsellor Blog 2025
All rights reserved Disclaimer:
This weblog is the view of the writer and for general information only.
This article is designed to provoke argument and critique